After many years of being governed by Andy Papandy (the ageing pop star who has reached dinosaur status of such size and weight that the members of his party are finding it hard to dislodge him from his presidential seat), the Freaks are now governed by another dinosaur who makes up for his relative lack of ponderousness by being very tall and is consequently known as the Tall One. The third dinosaur on the political scene of the Freaks is an ageing communist who simply cannot digest the fact that East and West are no longer at loggerheads and who steadfastly opposes any pro-western acts of the Tall One’s government in the firm belief he is serving the interests of his erstwhile mentors in Moscow.
So, while the Tall One is applying antediluvian. methods to extricate the Freaks from the financial destitution brought about by Andy Papandy’s profligacy, the other two dinosaurs oppose him at every turn, doing their utmost to stab him in the back. As he is very tall, however, they are finding this rather difficult to do.
In addition to having to cope with an acute cash shortage, the Tall One has also had to deal with several other problems such as the arrival of many hundreds of old Pontiacs from the Soviet Union and an invasion of Albinos from the northwest. Also, a sit-in by school children who refuse to be taught by antediluvian methods. Compounding these problems is the activity of a terrorist organization which fires off bazookas at foreign banks and sets off bombs in various places. Occasionally, it also assassinates prominent public figures, pushing up the sales of bulletproof waistcoats and Mercedeses.
Another problem that has cropped up is the Gulf War to which the Freaks have contributed a frigate which silently guards the approaches to Akaba and makes sure no Scud launchers are being smuggled into Iraq. The problem the Gul~ War is causing the Freaks is not the · frigate but the decline in tourist arrivals and the wholesale cancellation of bookings for later on in the year.
Adding insult to injury, the State Department has released a report saying the Freaks are being beastly to Jerks who live in their country and reviving an old chestnut known as the Macedonian Question which the
Freaks don’t find at all funny.
On the other side of the sparkling blue sea, the Jerks, with the Wizard of Ozzle at the helm, are milking the Gulf War for all it is worth by providing the coalition forces with carte blanche to use their airfields and other facilities to flatten the Iraqis in return for more planes and other military equipment from the Seven and Ten store in Washington. When the Jerks are criticized for this attitude, they piously proclaim strict adherence to United Nations resolutions. To this, the Freaks wonder out loud why the Jerks don’t abide by the UN resolutions that have asked them to cle;u out of Northern Cyprus. To this, the Wizard ‘of Ozzle smiles innocently and says: “That’s a different kazan of balik!”*
*kettle of fish
