We left off where the leaders of the respective communities, a wily priest named McHarris and a plump Jerk named Dinky Toy, had agreed to hold talks in Vienna.
The talks had been arranged by Heimie, the trusted secretary-general of the great and wise old You-Know who lives on Lake Success and is mainly noted for his many failures.
So it was not surprising that the Vienna talks broke down and made everybody move back to square one.
The next development occurred last month when the Jerks went to the polls for what the correspondent of the Tokyo Sun called ‘the most clitical erection’ in the country’s history.
The two main contenders were the outgoing premier, Demi-tasse and the fiery, hawk-nosed Itchy Feet who had ordered the invasion of Cirrhosis in 1974.
Record crowds turned out to cheer Itchy Feet during the pre-election campaign and to slaughter sheep at his feet (perhaps in a vain attempt to relieve the eczema), to the extent that he seemed a sure winner.
But when the votes were counted, Itchy Feet failed to gain a majority in Parliament and the hopes that a strong government would be formed to tackle the country’s urgent internal problems (the rising price of shish kebab) and the external ailments (Cirrhosis, etc.) were dashed to the ground.
At the time of writing, there was talk of Demi-tasse forming a coalition government like the one that had preceded the elections or even joining up with Itchy Feet. What seemed fairly certain, however, was that the crisis would continue into the long, hot summer with increasing unrest among the Jerks and the possibility that some trouble would be stirred up with the Freaks to take the minds of the people off the shambles inside the country.
The Freaks, meanwhile, under their able and handsome Premier Caramel Cream, continued to beef up their armed forces with expensive hardware and to look for hidden treasure on the sea bottom, keeping a sharp watch in case the Beatnik ventured again into their territorial waters.
At the same time, Caramel Cream decided the Freaks were not taking the situation seriously enough and were spending too much money on transient pleasures and frivolities instead of giving it to the government to spend on such projects as widening Syngrou Avenue and building sewage disposal plants that don’t work.
So Caramel Cream’s financial wizard, the lean and saturnine Papalugubrious, waved his wand and decreed that henceforth, the Freaks would have to pay through the nose to enjoy such things as scotch whiskey, French champagne, caviar, jewelry and furs, dog and cat food, and cars with engines larger than 1800 cc in cylinder capacity.
On this occasion, a noted otorhinolaryngologist remarked that the Freaks had been paying through the nose for essentials (including his fees) for so long that their nasal passages had become inured to voluminous flows of cash.
The extra few thousands of drachmas they would have to pay in high taxes on the goodies mentioned above would therefore pass through their sinuses unnoticed.
Indeed, according to one psychologist, the goodies would become even greater status symbols than before and if the owners of large Mercedeses had any trouble paying out a small fortune in road taxes, he predicted they would probably sell their houses and sleep in the car if necessary.
One Freak who thought he would be patriotic and served only ouzo and Freak brandy at his daughter’s wedding reception suddenly saw all the guests disappearing, some of them taking their wedding presents away with them. He was so ashamed he has filed an application with the Argentine Embassy for immigrant status in the Tierra del Fuego.
And while the Freaks continue to drink large quantities of scotch whiskey and feed their pets on Crunchies and Munchies, and drive around in cars that cost as much as a three-room apartment to buy, and more than a luxury yacht to run, the Freak Navy keeps a ceaseless vigil at sea and hopes the Beatnik, if it dares to enter Freak territorial waters, will be stung to death by the millions of jelly fish that infest the area before it can do further harm.
